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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest helping her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with someone. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the content we create together can achieve: an opening. I understand not everyone likes being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but friends support one another in minor capacities. I thought filming a short video here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?